Yes.. the monster that I have been fighting is called "Food"! Food for confort! It has been my only partner for quite a while. I could say about 3 years I have been giving it my all, although I have been kind of strugling for about 8 yrs. Its just that I had lost enough weight to have a little bit of "good looks", but these past 3 years have been my worst! I am not a bad looking girl, actually my good looks helped me through out my younger years, and of course, being smart also! I left school in the 8th grade and never went back. At the age of 18 I took a G.E.D. and pass it! Although I started working at age 14. With my "good looks" and my "street smart" life I was able to get into a professonal positions by lying my way into it. My great smile and my smooth and smart talk always got me the JOB. I was very humble... but not dumb and of course in the process I learned so so much! And still is!! I was always the one leaving my boyfriends because I never really found that special someone who I felt was my "true partner". All I wanted for a partner was a friend!
Anyways, I have been eaten by depression, sadness, and lost of willpower to do it differently. This monster have taken over. There are days that I fight back!!, but many other days defeated by loneliness I let it be. I have been looking everywhere to find an inspiration and I know that this I will ONLY find inside of me! I have been so weak to even try, that for the time being I am permitting myself to find inspiration "outside of me" so that I can permit myself to begin my journey of wellness and leave the monsters behind.
As of now, I like someone and want to look pretty so that they may like me. I know I can be preparing myself for deception, for this is one BAD reason to loose the weight! What if he dosent like me? Will I go back to eating for confort?? Well, I am precisely working on that! But for now, like I said, I must find my inspiration outside of me! So, let me see, all I need is TO BEGIN! and second I need to STAY and LIVE my goals!! Gee, it sounds like a lot of commitment!! Do I believe in myself enough to do it? Or am I fooling myself and permit this to be "just another try"? I wish I would know now the endcoming of this oddisey.
GOD.. help me fight this mosnter called food!
sábado, 8 de agosto de 2009
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